How I failed to read more.. 

I liked how I went through each and every book in there, though it made me sneeze a thousand times..

The hunger never lessened until I left there.

What happened later with those wonderful atmosphere back around,. I struggled with books fearing to start and peruse.

Fearing that it might fail me, that it might not be the same,.

I couldn't even read more than three pages, how hard I tried. 

At last I end up with one of my not so favorite author, I think it was his best book. And it proved that I still have that thing inside me, Found only one in years.. its only because time has changed what I looked for in books.

But I can't get that specific type once again. Because each one is unique, and it should be. I'm waiting.. For the ones that make me feel what I felt 3 years before.. 

Ma Big Fat Memoir

A few years back, one day I got a call in the morning. It was only 8 30 and I was sleeping. That’s ma usual time even when the class starts at 9. But that was sports day and I thought not to go to college.

The phone rang and when I opened ma eyes half heartedly and saw its from Joe.

     “ ’ssup Joe”..

     “priya where are you, are you not coming college?”..

I thought what happened to her; she was not supposed to be there when the rest of us were still in bed.

     “who told you to go girl? No one will come today”..

     “oh god, I hope none of you can sleep when I’m trapped here. I forgot its sports day priya.. L”..

All of us knew once you entered the campus, you could never come out without a letter from the principal herself.

I told her to hung up and kill the time somehow. But I couldn’t sleep anymore. So I got ready fast enough to reach college by 9 30 (That’s a special ability given to those who get up late) that too taking two buses and finally an auto rickshaw ;)..  When I entered the campus she was there sitting on the parapet near the shrine of Jesus Christ with her palms holding her pondering head. She jumped up with wonder when she saw me. “I thought you wouldn’t come”.. she said.

And we sat there together looking at others running here and there in merry that we could never take into us.

Suddenly Joe held my arms tight,

“Priya, let’s get out of here”..

“what?  Are you gone mad, how you can Joe”..

In our campus students get out by jumping the ‘great wall’ near the play ground. But that’s where the sports going on. At that time a friend came and brought us to the front of the arts block from where we could see the back side of the main block. The back side of the main block was an uneven land with a lot of trees, slopes, holes, thorns, twigs and what not.

     “there.. don’t you see a road?”..  our friend said pointing to a distant point. Yes we could see a beautiful road and we even saw us waiting for bus there. But how you reach there?

You need to jump nearly an 8 feet to let your foot on that ground. We looked at each other, held each other’s hands and jumped. Good god! The excitement was overwhelming. We started to run through the difficult path avoiding the holes and thorns. Joe ran before me and told me not to look back. But I couldn’t help looking at the main block because that’s where our beloved principal would be. What if she was looking out of the window? :O and suddenly I became aware of the color of the churidar I chose to wear. It was red. Anyone would notice if they saw a red thing moving in the wood. Joe was in mud color churidar. My heart nearly jumped out. Fear even entered my eyes and I thought I would black out. But she was still holding my hand and we ran with our might thinking of the road we saw from the campus.

Suddenly she stopped. I rolled my eyes looking all around us. But didn’t see our principal, thank god. I took a deep breath and asked her why she stopped. She pointed to the road. When I looked, I too became white because that was not even a street, but the terrace of a house that we couldn’t see because of the trees.

Then we knew we were trapped. We couldn’t see any way out of that place. We had come a long way and the college looked like a kutub minar from this abyss of a land.

Then somebody came to our view, a lady collecting coconuts. We went to her and asked how she came there. She understood where we came from and threatened us. She said she would call the principal.

I was searching all around us. If she could enter this place there would be a way out. And at that time both of us saw steps of stone at a big wall. We ran together and climbed it and saw a house. Thanks to the whole universe, there was nobody in the courtyard. We didn’t stop running until it was sure that we were completely out of that maze.

It took a while to get our normal breath back and we laughed and laughed and laughed thinking of the road and our marathon through the hell of a land. Then we walked to the bus stop that we knew somewhere down the way.

That adventurous trip makes me unbelievably awesome when I think about it even now.

Ma big fat Memoir 08-12-2012

Today’s was a different evening.

I went to have a walk in the college. Took ma books to read from the gallery, I really wanted to see the sun today. But I didn’t get time to watch the sun at all. Somebody called me from behind and shook me from ma studies but more truly from ma thoughts.

It was Pathros. He saw me while crossing the gallery. But he hesitated, seeing me with books. I said that was ok.

So he sat there and we talked. He is some guy who is predictably unpredictable. He is rude but elegant, stubborn but nice, rebellious but gentle. Altogether he is a very good friend. But he can be secretive and elusive. Or is he avoiding something? I don’t know.

He asked me if I felt any insecurity walking alone late in the evening, I said no. I usually go for a walk in the evening, but in thrissur I was not that regular. Walking to the fresh air and cool breeze adding the shadows drawn by evening sun, you will fall in love with yourself and nature. 

We went to buy a chocolate cone ice cream; actually I wanted to have one. There were Christmas stars hanging in the shops. We walked past the countless stars. And on the way we went to the church.

 I just sat on the pew watching him. On his knee crossing his fingers, he was praying silently. It was a brief prayer, took him only a few seconds. I didn’t know what to do. I would have done what he did, but I just sat there watching. That was the first time I saw a boy praying because I was not a regular visitor in temples or churches and when I used to go once I never noticed others praying.

I didn’t know what to do because my eyes captured pictures of the altar, flowers, and shrines without any mental calculations or outcomes. That’s usually what happens when I go to temples or churches. I only think how beautiful the art is. And sometimes this thought makes me wonder why these all happen. People come to a particular place and they tell about their happiness and sorrows their wishes and gains. Some come to ask some come to give thanks. I wonder what’s the beginning of all these. And I wonder what will be the end.

He asked me if I did pray. I said I did. I lied. How can I tell him that I was busy wondering the same wonders that wonder me for years?

It was becoming dark, but we were not in a hurry to go back to hostels. We walked having our ice cream slowly, talking about cats and dogs :) He likes cats, those bluish wide eyed cute kittens. But on the contrary I like dogs, puppies or fully grown. These silly talks actually made my evening a beautiful memory. Why waste such a light evening talking things that matters. Debating on what we knew about these pets he walked me to my hostel.  

Hmm I liked this evening. I think he too likes this kind of small unplanned evening walks. This wouldn’t be new to him. But for me… I’m happy for his unexpected show up and for that icy chocolate we forgot during our chat. . :)

Pandoru nombukalath..

Ee pandennu paranjal oru 2 years back storyanu njan udheshichathu.

Nalloru get togetherum kazhinju veetilek thirikkana vazhi chumma town vazhi karangam vijarichanu mananchirakku bus kayariyathu. Apozhanu nammude oru priya suhruthu townilundennu arinjathu. Ennal pinne avaneyum angu kandu kalayam. Thrissurilnn idak kozhikkode varumbo elladathum chuttunnathu ente oru sheelamayirunnu.

Avanod kathi vechu nadakkumblanu munnil glass alamarayil nombu vibhavangal nirathy vechu Paragon nilkkunnu. Ente ponne enikkangu kothiyayippoyi. Kunjayirunnappol adutha veetile ummamar nombinu konduvannu thararulla chatty pathireem, pazham nirachathum, muttapathireem pinne thinnumbo njan peru nokiyittillatha tasty vibhavangal aloychu ente kothi koody. Thrissur ethyapo thott Food ennu kettal ente avastha ithayirunnu.

Pinne onnum aloychila njangalangu kayari. Sathyathil avanem valichond njanangu kayari. Order vangan oru pullikkaran vannu. Chetta enthokyallathu. Pullikkaran enthokyo paranju avasanam njan order cheythu, porottayum chickenum. Enthu kazhikkana poyathu entha kazhichathu. Avidunn irangyaplanu sathyathil ente mandatharam orthathu. Ente priya suhruthu oru verum chaya mathram order cheythappo njan avane kure nirbandhichu. Evide avanu chaya mathram mathy polum, bill avan pay cheyyendi varum pedichano areela. Njan veendum oru porottayum kude order cheythu manasu nirachu. J

Ee sambhavathe patti pinneed avan paranjathu. Avane chumma iruthy njan ottakku porattayum chikkenum thatti ennanu. Karyam shariyanenkilum avanenik oru company tharathathu moshamayennu njanum paranju.

Ippazhum aa glass shelfil kandathum pinneed ithrem nalum kazhikkan patanjathum aya palaharangale orthu enik kothi varunnu..

Ithavana pakshe urapichu kazhinju, thinnitte ullu baki karayam J

Aanapindi :P

Its actually the kinda thing we read usually in magazines. And kinda thing that got to change for considering the century we are living in.

“Mazhayayirunnu. Coffee mugumayi aduppinaduthu avalirunnu. Purathu thakarthu peyyuna mazha avale melle vilichu. Janal palikalil thangi ninna mazhathullikal enthokeyo avalod paranju. than maranna palathum thanne athu ormipichu. Ellam chornnu thannil ini kadhayillennu aval urappichirunnu. Ennittum palathum avale thedi vannu. Veendum Nurungukalayi peythu varshamayi athu marumennu aval karuthiyirunnilla. Murukke pidicha cupil ninnum pathukke coffee nukarnnukond adupinaduthekku nadannu. Than onnum arinjilla bhavichu..

Purathu avalkku vendi mathram peyyunna mazha veendum karanju kondirunnu. Vendennu vacha jeevitham maraneeki varumennaval bhayannu. Orikkal agrahichirunnu jeevanolam. Kittiyennathil ahankarichirunnu. Arthamillatha oru kadhayayi athu marumennu orikkalum karuthiyilla. Peyyatte thorathe peyyatte. Karanju theeratte. Pathi vazhiye than upekshicha thanne upekshicha jeevitham iniyum janal kadannu varathe irikkum. Illenkil than agrahichathum nediyathum enthinayirunnu. Thante Snehathinu munnil kannadakkamenkil thanikkippol onnum kandillennu vekkam, onnum.. “

Did u get anything from it.? No na.. that’s it you don’t get anything but blah blahs… but this is the kinda thing usually win first price. :D totally bored of reading this. Don’t u think so..

Ma Big Fat Memoir 12-07-2013

I love you more than I love myself. It’s again proved today. May be it’s for a reason we are like this. What pulls me to you is genuine love and admiration. That is the only reason for why I can talk to you like I talk to myself. You can always understand it. Even my silly idiotic reasons become sensible when it comes before you, or you make me feel I’m right anyways. Today also whatever I had been telling you, you were listening carefully, making thoughtful remarks, sometimes making fun of me, and still considering that its worth listening. Everybody cannot do that. I still don’t know why I’m special to you, but I like that feeling. May be it’s the friendship built between us. And I’m sure not everybody is blessed with such a friendship. Now I feel superb, as my heart weighs little. I’m the luckiest person in this world. I want only this much what you give me now. 

Ma Big Fat Memoir - Laughter

It was all around me. I felt it like I was laughing. I was in a play field today. Boys were trying to roll the roller. I didn’t know what you call it. It was used for leveling the cricket pitch. They were playing cricket n football and football n cricket. Some of them winded up because it was getting dark. It was really nostalgic to be in a field even if I was not playing. This gave me a pleasure that I forgot for a long time.

Now I started walking past the play field. I could hear the crickets, the sound of coming night. I was living in this world where everybody like me belonged. What I saw was the sky above and greenery around me. The lights were showing up in the street. Dogs were wandering here n there and countless bats were flying to the west. Yes it was a fearless night for them.

I didn’t know when I started walking fast. The crowd irritated me especially when I was not with the crowd sometimes when I was in the crowd. In both cases I would be my own preference if I was not with friends.

But there are times you want to prefer yourself so you leave friends behind literarily. And there are times you will be damned without them. A playfield is where you need to be with them.

My mind was going somewhere else. Where I thought it was taking me? There were so many faces, scenes and moments. At last those red eyes that bear so much of pain. I could see the humanity, kindness and the pain he carried in his eyes. That was enough for me to forget the laughter. By looking at his eyes I wanted to take some pain from him to show him how beautiful this world was for us. But I knew I couldn’t take every grief from everyone with me. So I dropped off that thought.

I heard some monks could travel everywhere through meditation, but I travel everywhere when I walk alone. I walk into each nook and corner of this world, into every mind which laugh or cry. I find a way to be part of them as I want them not to be alone in the crowd and to pour out the laughter I carry, on the way….